My Husband Is Gay - What to Do When Your Husband Comes Out of the Closet

Is he hiding a secret? 

By Brand Doubell  |   

As I said in a previous article there are a lot of people who comes out later in life. This might be because they were too afraid of rejection to do it earlier, they thought it will change in time, or they really didn't know. Whatever the reason, this guy married you with the idea to stay with you. Nobody gets married with the inkling of getting a divorce.
Al of us idealizes the future when we are young. The day you get married you believe you are going to have the best marriage ever. You tell yourself that your marriage is going to be different; it will be heaven on earth. In time you get older and you realize that you are not the perfect wife and the guy you married isn't the perfect husband. Maybe you even consider a divorce or you go for couple's therapy to avoid the road downhill. Then you start to grasp reality - life isn't perfect, but it is okay, it is good enough and in many ways you are happier than many others. Other parts of life work roughly the same; your work, your children, your hobbies - they aren't perfect, but they are good enough.
Then you reach your midlife crises. It can happen anywhere from your late thirties to your late fifties, in some cases even in your sixties. You start to wonder about the point of it all - why am I here; am I successful; what was my dream; did I reach it; am I on the way to the goals I had or am I on the wrong track? This is the age when some men change either their job or their wife - the perfect time for a career-move or a divorce or even both. It is also the age when people who knew they were gay, and thought they might change, realize that it didn't happen, and that they are entering their last chance to be happy - the age when adults come out of the closet.
If you are in the situation where your husband comes out of the closet you have to understand the following:

1. He probably didn't try to deceive you when you got married - he thought he would change and everything would be okay or he didn't know.
2. Everybody comes out of some kind of closet in their midlife. The doctor realizes that he actually wanted to be a plumber. He became a doctor to please his father and he thought it will be okay, but it isn't. He decides to make a change, because this is his last chance to be happy.
3. You may think that therapy could heal him, but unfortunately there is no therapy that can change your sexual orientation.

The fact is that you are married to a gay man and that leaves both of you with the following choices:

1. You could get a divorce in order for him to live the life of a gay man and in order for you to get someone who really wants to be with you. It doesn't need to be an ugly separation; in fact it can be a mutual beneficial move where both of you wish happiness for the other. After all you did get married because you truly loved each other and to love also implies that you wish each other well.
2. You could settle, as many do, for an open marriage where both of you date other men. I do not think there is anything more destructive than this choice, but apparently it works for some people.
3. You could decide to stay married while you know he is gay and he tries his best to be okay with the idea that he would never live the life of a gay man. Sadly, many people settle for this choice, but the husband isn't really happy and the wife never knows whether her husband is true to her or not.

In my case we settled for the first choice. I was more than prepared to choose the third for everybody's sake, but we decided we want something better for each other and we never looked back. Today, years later, we are still the best of friends and we still love each other dearly, but not as a husband and wife should.
Maybe you will choose one of the other possibilities, but it is something both of you will have to agree on. The one can never force the other into a specific choice, because that is doomed for failure and destruction.

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Another-Gayboy-Brand-Doubell-ebook/dp/B00K0T9KB6
https://www.facebook.com/Cobragay?ref=hl

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brand_Doubell