A while ago I attended a party for sexologists. Normally I am not really into formal parties like these because sexologists, like in many other professions, can only talk about their work and nothing else. You might say that you wouldn’t mind talking about sex the whole evening, but that is not the topic sexologists talk about. They would rather talk about fees, patients struggling to pay fees, receptionists stealing fees, governments taxing fees and and their spouses spending the fees. I find conversations about money extremely boring because if you have it you wouldn’t make such a fuss about it and if you do not have it talking makes no difference. The problem with sexologists is that they normally have more than enough and the conversation always ends up at how they spent it. Fact is, spending money is the most boring of all money conversations so normally I eat my party-food and leave exactly in the opposite manner of the way my mother taught me to. But this time I actually stayed until the last minute of the party because the conversation was, too my utter surprise, about sex.
They did not start a sex-maniac conversation, because those are the most boring sex conversations you get and that would not stop me from leaving. You know the kind I am talking about don’t you? It is when somebody starts to tell you about the quantity and quality of his conquers EVERY NIGHT. Take it from me, if you have to tell your friends how good you are, you are normally not at all. Now all sexologists know this so they would not fall into that trap. If you are a good conqueror everybody knows it and you would not have to tell them about it.
They also did not start a big-dick conversation because most guys look at each others dicks standing in front of the urinal and friends normally know who the biggest dick in the clan is. Again, if you have to tell others.................
Luckily they also did not start the sex-joke conversation, because believe me, a sexologist knows them all. There is hardly anything more boring than listening to all the jokes you already know. Especially if the comedian looks at you with an I-expect-you-are-going-to piss-yourself-any-moment-now”-look on his face and you have to unpack a plastic smile with an I-do-not-know-that-one on yours.
They started a how-to-make-sex-better conversation and it was an extremely smart and interesting conversation about the topic. You see, even though I am a sexologist, I do not know everything and every now and again I hear something new and at this particular party I actually learned something(for my own benefit and yours because I am not going to leave you in the dark here). The new piece of information was not totally new for me, because after I heard it I realized that it was absolutely true in my experience as well.
First I have to tell you that most of the sexologists at the party knew that I am gay. They stopped making fun about that fact a long time ago. I do not mean bad fun-making, but a little jesting about a gay guy telling a straight guy how to have sex with a girl kind of joking. In any case they stopped making that kind of jokes a long time ago. In all seriousness, without remembering that I am gay or trying to tease me, one of the sexologists made an observation from his experience as a sexologist. In a casual manner he told us that gay guys are the clients who know the least about sex in his practice. When he said it I knew it to be true in my experience as well. All of us frowned for a while and then most of us smiled with a yes on our faces. Only one sexologist protested and said come on you are just teasing Andrew, but that was not it, it was a serious observation.
So, as you might have guessed, that started a whole new discussion on why gay men are so ignorant about sex. Don’t take me wrong, not all gay guys are sex-idiots (take me for instance), but on average they are the “less informed” group. A few sexologists did try to give their professional opinion as to why this is, but the first attempts did not satisfy any of us. One guy suggested that it is because men are not that emotional............we all started to laugh..........who would be more emotional than a queer on bed-parade? Another suggested that it might be because men are not that inquisitive..........not what we were looking for.
And then the truth came from the only female sexologist among us: “It is because gay male sex is the easiest sex you can get”. That was it; Gay men have the easiest sex of them all. You see heterosexual sex is quite complicated; men try to stimulate woman with a more than inadequate tool. His screwdriver is calibrated for speed, the machine he is working on is calibrated for time and men mostly screw it up. Lesbian sex is also quite complicated. The girls have complicated systems and if you multiply that by two you can just imagine (sorry girls, lesbian sexologists would agree with me on this one). Sex between gay men is just so easy. Firstly, the nice thing about a penis is the fact that it isn’t moody; it might be over zealous at times, but never moody. A dick craves all forms of attention and whether he is pre-mature, immature, too small or too drunk; he loves it all. With the exception of anal sex (which needs nothing more than a few pointers) sex between men can not be complicated.
So why are gay men the worst informed sex-beings on the planet? They are the the worst because you do not have to know so much about sex to enjoy it. Even with no knowledge at all sex between men can be extremely pleasant. You might feel lucky about this, but you are wrong. Because it doesn’t need so much knowledge to be pleasant gay men doesn’t study further in the art of making love. And believe me, there is a whole world of that to learn.
Guys if you think sex between men are pleasurable without knowledge; you aren’t seen nothing yet. Sex between men can go to a world beyond worlds with only a little bit of teaching. Unfortunately men are the lazy type so they might not read more on the topic; they are the anti-therapy type so they might not go to see a sexologist and therefore, you guys might never know.
This week's Cobrabite
by Dr. Andrew Blade
Andre Blade
Cobragay
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