Cobrahelp: New Queer Loneliness

I wonder how many queer people are lonely. Loneliness is an empty feeling that results from inadequate social relations or experiences. It is a subjective feeling; some people can feel lonely while they are among others but normally the lack of real connection is at the base of this feeling.
Not all of us feel the same about being alone. For some people (introverts) it is necessary to recharge away from others while extroverts need others to recharge. Off course being an introvert does not mean that you can not become lonely; it merely means that you need more time alone. Introverts experience their world within themselves while extroverts experience the world out there. That is why extroverts can not be alone for too long.
As we all know opposites attract and therefore extroverts will often be in a relationship with an introvert; what a frustration! The extrovert is tired after a week’s work and he/she needs to recharge amongst friends. The introvert on the other hand needs to recharge alone:
The perfect setting for Friday evening fights.........
Luckily, and that is why we connect, the introvert helps the extrovert to spend time with his inner self and the extrovert helps the introvert to mingle a bit. With this perfect relation we become whole as human beings.
Perfect as it may be, the Friday night fight can destroy many a relationship. In any case the problem is still that not all of us are in relationships. For some reason there are more single people among queers than among straight people. Many extroverts can overcome their loneliness because extroverts know how to crash a party but the introvert is staying home alone and that is where the deep empty feeling of loneliness starts.
A half century ago the loneliness was combated by the ever faithful transistor radio. Twenty years ago the television took its place and today we can combat loneliness with mixit, SMS, bb, twitter and last but not least the ever popular facebook. At last loneliness are not combated by 3 radio stations, a few television channels or ten SMS buddies but it can be combated by a thousand plus strangers who became friends. They might use false profile pics, false names and false identities, but at least there are always someone to talk to.
And so were slain man’s biggest enemy: LONELINESS.
Is it true? Is it possible that facebook at last cured the world of loneliness or is loneliness still there in the early hours of the night? Unfortunately facebook helps but it can’t rid us from loneliness. Our human hearts need more than someone to talk to:
We need to hear a voice, more personally than over the air.
We need to see a face, more personally than on a monitor.
We need to feel a body, more personally than through a keyboard.

Picking up strangers has become easier, but also more dangerous. In the virtual reality of the internet you can get that face you always dreamt of, the body you could not reach and the perfect personality that evades you between others. Now you can be the one you have always wanted to be. The problem is that virtual perfection is still not actual perfection and the perfect person you are talking to is probably just as fake as you are. Even more dangerous is the chance that it might be a crook exploiting your loneliness to get to you. If you stay in your virtual world you might be safe but if you crave more from your virtual friend; if you crave an actual face, an actual voice and an actual touch the danger is upon you. A virtual reality is still not an actual reality and the virtual cure for loneliness is still not an actual cure. If you realize that you will know that the internet is no substitute for real human interaction.
So get of your chair and away from your mouse and keyboard. You still need to get out. Staying for too long in your fantasy world might make your loneliness far more destructive than you thought possible. You see human beings need interaction and the internet might make you believe that you have ample of that. Like a virtual picture of food will never fill your stomach a virtual friend will never heal your loneliness and by the time you realize this it might be too late. For virtual friendship can make it impossible to ever interact as yourself again. The false security of being someone else can break your self-esteem further down. The social skills you need in facebook can break down the social skills you need in life. The easiness of befriending, unfriending, blocking and fucking on facebook will never be enough to handle yourself among real people. You might lose the skills to live amongst others in real life, you might think that facebook manners will work in reality and you might lose all contact with humanity. That kind of loneliness is far worse than any other I have ever seen.
In my practice I see more and more people suffering from this kind of loneliness and I tell you; it really scares me.

Cobrabite

by Brand Doubell