Kids understand better than we might think
By
Brand Doubell
Submitted On May 29, 2014
In a previous article I wrote about the three situations where
people come out later in life. In most cases these people were married
to someone of the opposite sex and they might even have children from
that marriage. If you realize that you are gay, or you realize that you
can't hide it any longer later on in life you probably have to come out
to your children. I know what you are going through because I had to go
through it as well.
At that stage I met a guy who told me his story. He said his father was also gay and that his parents decided to stay together until the kids finished school. After school his dad came out, his parents got a divorce and his mother married another guy. Then this guy told me something that gave me a totally new perspective on my own situation. He said that he saw a happy couple for the first time when he was 20 years old. His parents wasn't unhappy or something, but there was something missing. The moment his mother married another guy he saw what true happiness was. According to him he wasn't interested in a relationship before he saw a real happy one at age twenty. The interesting thing was that he didn't mind the fact that his dad was gay; he did however mind that he didn't know it sooner and that his parents didn't get a divorce earlier in his life.
The fact is that children are not that judgmental. In fact younger children accept their gay parents without any problems. My kids were 7 and 9 when I came out and you wouldn't believe what a blessing it was when I realized that they love their gay dad just as much as they loved their straight dad. Today they are much older, they know exactly who and what I am, and they went through the change without any hiccups.
I know many gay people who came out to their children and without any exception the ones that came out while their children were still young had the least problems. Children will forgive you for being gay, but they find it more difficult to forgive you if you lied to them. They love us for who we are, but they do not take it well if we try to deceive them by showing a false picture of ourselves.
Years later I met a girl who told me that her father was also gay and I said "Do you know how wonderful it is for a gay guy to have a daughter?" and she responded with "do you know how wonderful it is for a daughter to have a gay dad?"
The fact is that children will never reject you if you show them your weakness; they will however reject you if you pretend as if you do not have any weakness at all. I'm not saying that being gay is a weakness, but if you're still in the closet it sometimes feels that way. Believe me, it isn't a weakness; it's actually something special and your kids will love you for the fact that you showed them the inside of your heart.
How do you tell your children you are gay? Just be yourself, be true to them, and do it. You will never look back.
At that stage I met a guy who told me his story. He said his father was also gay and that his parents decided to stay together until the kids finished school. After school his dad came out, his parents got a divorce and his mother married another guy. Then this guy told me something that gave me a totally new perspective on my own situation. He said that he saw a happy couple for the first time when he was 20 years old. His parents wasn't unhappy or something, but there was something missing. The moment his mother married another guy he saw what true happiness was. According to him he wasn't interested in a relationship before he saw a real happy one at age twenty. The interesting thing was that he didn't mind the fact that his dad was gay; he did however mind that he didn't know it sooner and that his parents didn't get a divorce earlier in his life.
The fact is that children are not that judgmental. In fact younger children accept their gay parents without any problems. My kids were 7 and 9 when I came out and you wouldn't believe what a blessing it was when I realized that they love their gay dad just as much as they loved their straight dad. Today they are much older, they know exactly who and what I am, and they went through the change without any hiccups.
I know many gay people who came out to their children and without any exception the ones that came out while their children were still young had the least problems. Children will forgive you for being gay, but they find it more difficult to forgive you if you lied to them. They love us for who we are, but they do not take it well if we try to deceive them by showing a false picture of ourselves.
Years later I met a girl who told me that her father was also gay and I said "Do you know how wonderful it is for a gay guy to have a daughter?" and she responded with "do you know how wonderful it is for a daughter to have a gay dad?"
The fact is that children will never reject you if you show them your weakness; they will however reject you if you pretend as if you do not have any weakness at all. I'm not saying that being gay is a weakness, but if you're still in the closet it sometimes feels that way. Believe me, it isn't a weakness; it's actually something special and your kids will love you for the fact that you showed them the inside of your heart.
How do you tell your children you are gay? Just be yourself, be true to them, and do it. You will never look back.
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