Do You Want to Come Out? The Best Advice For Coming Out of the Closet

 

Understanding yourself is essential.

By Brand Doubell  |   Submitted On May 28, 2014

I think the shortest answer to the question above is that the best way to come out isn't the same for everybody. People are different, parents are different, and that means you will have to decide which way will work the best in your case. If you understand that you will know how to use the information here below to create your own unique way of coming out. It is impossible to look at every single possibility in the scope of one article, but the following will give you an idea.

1. You have to understand who you are.
   1. Extrovert/introvert: If you are an extrovert it will be best to just say it out loud. Chances are that everybody knows it in any case. Extroverts have the ability to think on their feet and they struggle to keep the truth away from others. If you are an introvert you will have to pick your time very carefully. Introverts are secretive without knowing it and chances are that nobody suspects you are gay.
   2. Rational/emotional: If you are a more rational kind of person you would probably have all the arguments on every possible question ready to fire. Just remember that others are not necessarily like you. If you mom or dad are more emotional you will have to take that into account as well. The opposite is just as true. If you are the emotional type and your dad more rational you will have to force yourself to get a few answers on the questions he is going to ask.
2. You have to understand the person you want to tell.
   
   1. Conservative/open-minded: If the person is very conservative you have to tread lightly, but if the person is more open-minded it might not be that difficult. Unfortunately it is a bit more complicated. People will amaze you because sometimes the conservatives are okay with you and the liberals shocked.
   2. Social/ private: If your parents are social they might worry about their friends' reaction. You know there is 1 gay person among every 10 people right? So find out who among their friends have a gay person in their family. If your parents are more private they would not want anybody to know about your sexuality and that's okay. If they want to stay in the closet - let them. Just make sure that you get out.
3. You have to get your timing right.
   
   1. When your dad had a bad day at work; leave it for another day.
   2. If your parents are more relaxed during the weekend that will be the best time.
   3. If you are scared that your parents will throw you out of their house, make sure that you are ready to move.
   4. If your father is going to cut your allowance, wait until you earn your own money.
4. Use the knowledge you have about your parents.
   
   1. If you have a better relationship with your mother, talk to her.
   2. If your mother is too emotional about the little things, make an appointment with your father.
   3. Remember, they know how to break the news to each other if they have a good marriage.
   4. If they are the type of people who needs time to get over anything - give them time.
   5. If they are the kind of people who understands stuff better if they read it - write them a letter.
   6. If they are religious and their pastor is an open-minded guy - talk to him about it. If he is the conservative type - don't go near him.
5. Pinpoint the right first person to talk to.
   
   1. I found that there is always someone in every family that you can talk to. Someone that has an open-mind and that knows how to handle the others.
   2. This person should be easy to talk to and he/she should have the respect of the whole family.
   3. Choose the right level-headed person and he/she will give you the best advice on how you should handle the situation. In many cases it will be the same person your parents will go to after they heard the truth about you. In some cases such a person will even take it on him/herself to break the news.
6. Plan you're coming out by looking at all the facts and use it to your advantage.

Just remember one thing. Nothing is so bad that you can't handle it. In time everybody will know and accept you for who you are. What ever you do, don't do something stupid to yourself. It isn't necessary. There are many of us out there and we are always willing to help. Being gay also makes you part of another family - the gay family, and we look after our own.

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