Should you stay hidden?
On average most experts guess that there is one gay person among
ten. In a city with a population of a million it follows that there
would be a 100 thousand members of the gay community. Experience taught
me that you wouldn't find that many gay people in any sort of gathering
from a pride to a parade. It is true that prides and parades aren't
everybody's thing, but still - there would hardly be 10 thousand at such
a city's parade. The only conclusion would be that most gay people are
still closeted.
Like most other out and proud gay people, I can't imagine why anybody would like to live in a closet for a lifetime. On the other hand I realize that there are so many factors that could influence the choice between the closet and being out.
I was one of those unlucky few who ran the risk of losing everything when I came out. Firstly I knew I would lose my job; I was a pastor as well as a lecturer in Theology so I had no choice. Secondly I knew I would lose my wife and with her maybe even my kids. Thirdly most of my friends were either in the ministry or they were devout Christians so I guessed I would lose the as well. In short I stood to lose my income, my family, my friends, my kids, my house, and my job.
Fortunately I only lost my job and the income it gave me. The friends I lost weren't real friends. I did not lose my kids, my family, or my real friends. I even kept my very close friendship with my ex-wife. If two people are mature enough, and they realize that their kids are the most important part of their lives, it is possible to stay close friends.
I guess you would say that it worked out rather well for me and I have to admit that it worked out much better than I thought it would, but the fact is that it always works out better than you thought. They say that 90% of the things we are afraid of never happen and in my case it really worked out that way. In the many conversations I had with literally thousands of gay people all over the world I have never met a single person who wasn't glad to be out. In addition to that I have met hundreds who were depressed, lonely, sad, and bitter while they were rotting away in the closet. Someone once said that there is nothing worse than dying in the closet. I think that many, many gay people are dead while they are breathing in the closet.
Unfortunately it takes a lot of guts to go out and say who you really are. It takes a leap of faith to believe that you will survive it. It is easy to say that you will make it because I already did, but I know all too well how difficult the decision is. It might be the biggest choice you will ever have to make. I remember the fear of rejection as if it happened yesterday and to some extent I still fear rejection every time someone realizes that I am gay. No matter how far you are out of the closet there are always another step you still have to take. The fear of rejection is the biggest enemy to your freedom and every single out and proud gay person knows that fear very well. The only thing that makes it better is the realization that you are not alone. If there are 6 billion people on this earth; there are 600 million gay people who know exactly what it feels like to be you. The best thing you can do is to find a few of us to talk to, a few of us to hold your hand, to give you advice, and to show you how nice it is out in the open.
Like most other out and proud gay people, I can't imagine why anybody would like to live in a closet for a lifetime. On the other hand I realize that there are so many factors that could influence the choice between the closet and being out.
I was one of those unlucky few who ran the risk of losing everything when I came out. Firstly I knew I would lose my job; I was a pastor as well as a lecturer in Theology so I had no choice. Secondly I knew I would lose my wife and with her maybe even my kids. Thirdly most of my friends were either in the ministry or they were devout Christians so I guessed I would lose the as well. In short I stood to lose my income, my family, my friends, my kids, my house, and my job.
Fortunately I only lost my job and the income it gave me. The friends I lost weren't real friends. I did not lose my kids, my family, or my real friends. I even kept my very close friendship with my ex-wife. If two people are mature enough, and they realize that their kids are the most important part of their lives, it is possible to stay close friends.
I guess you would say that it worked out rather well for me and I have to admit that it worked out much better than I thought it would, but the fact is that it always works out better than you thought. They say that 90% of the things we are afraid of never happen and in my case it really worked out that way. In the many conversations I had with literally thousands of gay people all over the world I have never met a single person who wasn't glad to be out. In addition to that I have met hundreds who were depressed, lonely, sad, and bitter while they were rotting away in the closet. Someone once said that there is nothing worse than dying in the closet. I think that many, many gay people are dead while they are breathing in the closet.
Unfortunately it takes a lot of guts to go out and say who you really are. It takes a leap of faith to believe that you will survive it. It is easy to say that you will make it because I already did, but I know all too well how difficult the decision is. It might be the biggest choice you will ever have to make. I remember the fear of rejection as if it happened yesterday and to some extent I still fear rejection every time someone realizes that I am gay. No matter how far you are out of the closet there are always another step you still have to take. The fear of rejection is the biggest enemy to your freedom and every single out and proud gay person knows that fear very well. The only thing that makes it better is the realization that you are not alone. If there are 6 billion people on this earth; there are 600 million gay people who know exactly what it feels like to be you. The best thing you can do is to find a few of us to talk to, a few of us to hold your hand, to give you advice, and to show you how nice it is out in the open.
https://www.facebook.com/Cobragay?ref=hl
http://www.amazon.com/Just-Another-Gayboy-Brand-Doubell-ebook/dp/B00K0T9KB6/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1401805430&sr=1-2&keywords=gay+south+africa
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http://www.amazon.com/Just-Another-Gayboy-Brand-Doubell-ebook/dp/B00K0T9KB6/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1401805430&sr=1-2&keywords=gay+south+africa
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