In
the gay community there are a stigma clinging to closeted gay people.
The fact that we stand together against homophobia or any other form of
bigotry means that we expect everybody to keep to his/her guns. Almost
something like: if you want our protection you should be out and proud
about whom you are. If you are going to crawl back into the closet every
time there might be danger on the front we can't trust you. I might be
exaggerating a bit, but among some gay groups people feel really serious
about this. Maybe it is a group thing - as a group we are stronger than
as individuals and we need to know that you wouldn't run away.
This is not true in every case; the gay community understand the fear people have for that first coming out experience. We all had to take that first step and nobody forgets the courage it took. It isn't as if the community looks down on closeted gay people; they have a problem with those who come out, run back, come out just to run back yet again. If you are out, you are out for better or worse - you do not run back for every single stumbling block.
On the other hand coming out is a gradual thing. We all understand that you are not going to tell everybody that you are gay the moment you come out. You might start with your parents and if they are okay with it you might continue to tell the rest of your family. Later you might tell most of your friends, but it is possible that you feel scared to tell your boss - especially if you could lose your job over it. Coming out isn't a brainless act - if they are going to kill you for being gay, keep it to yourself.
That brings us to the actual question in the title of this article - is it really necessary to tell everybody? I purposefully exaggerated the gay community's feelings on people who are closeted in the first paragraphs of this article. I did that to make it clear that running back to the closet for every small thing isn't good for you or for the community, but yes I exaggerated. We all are closeted in front of certain people. It might be your old maths teacher, it might be you grandpa, or it might be your boss, but sometimes we just do not feel comfortable to express our sexual orientation in front of certain people. It is your right to decide with who you are going to share your intimate secrets. After all, your private life has nothing to do with other people and you may decide with whom you are going to share your preferences. In this regard you aren't running back to the closet - you are merely exercising your right of privacy.
Remember, just like you do not have to tell some bully that your father left your mother, you do not have to tell some homophobe that you are gay. There is no honor in being stupid. If telling someone is going to hurt you in some way; keep it to yourself.
This is not true in every case; the gay community understand the fear people have for that first coming out experience. We all had to take that first step and nobody forgets the courage it took. It isn't as if the community looks down on closeted gay people; they have a problem with those who come out, run back, come out just to run back yet again. If you are out, you are out for better or worse - you do not run back for every single stumbling block.
On the other hand coming out is a gradual thing. We all understand that you are not going to tell everybody that you are gay the moment you come out. You might start with your parents and if they are okay with it you might continue to tell the rest of your family. Later you might tell most of your friends, but it is possible that you feel scared to tell your boss - especially if you could lose your job over it. Coming out isn't a brainless act - if they are going to kill you for being gay, keep it to yourself.
That brings us to the actual question in the title of this article - is it really necessary to tell everybody? I purposefully exaggerated the gay community's feelings on people who are closeted in the first paragraphs of this article. I did that to make it clear that running back to the closet for every small thing isn't good for you or for the community, but yes I exaggerated. We all are closeted in front of certain people. It might be your old maths teacher, it might be you grandpa, or it might be your boss, but sometimes we just do not feel comfortable to express our sexual orientation in front of certain people. It is your right to decide with who you are going to share your intimate secrets. After all, your private life has nothing to do with other people and you may decide with whom you are going to share your preferences. In this regard you aren't running back to the closet - you are merely exercising your right of privacy.
Remember, just like you do not have to tell some bully that your father left your mother, you do not have to tell some homophobe that you are gay. There is no honor in being stupid. If telling someone is going to hurt you in some way; keep it to yourself.
http://www.amazon.com/Just-Another-Gayboy-Brand-Doubell-ebook/dp/B00K0T9KB6
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