I studied psychology because I thought it might help me to become sane. All it did was convincing me that I am even worse than I thought. Luckily it convinced me that everybody is abnormal, including you, so stop smiling. As a matter of fact, like a friend of mine in Bloemfontein always says, normal is a setting on a washing machine. Normal is a list of averages over a vast number of personality traits and not one of us are average on every single personality trait. In fact, if you were, that would really be abnormal to say the least. More than that; you would be the most boring person on the planet!
Human beings are interesting because of their amazing variety. Whenever friends of mine join me on a trip to South Africa they want to see the Kruger National Park, and not just the park, but everything in it. Just like my South African friends want to see the Walle in Amsterdam. I always give in and take another tour through the Walle, the Kruger National Park and Piccadilly in London. But the most frustrating of them all is the Kruger Park. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals and the more I work with people the more I love animals, but lets face it, people are just so much more interesting.
Take the Kruger Park for instance; you see your first deer or wildebeest and everybody wants to take a picture. After 5 hours you still only see wildebeests, deer and baboons. Still very interesting, but now you want to see a Lion; what a surprise, you can spend a week in the park without seeing one and later you just can’t take the Wildebeest anymore. You are so bored you want to die. One thing that makes every trip worth while is the monkeys, baboons and all the other animals that resemble people. Why? ; Because they are so humanlike and humans are the most interesting animals alive. I think they should keep a pair in every zoo, it’ll be a hit.
Animals in a zoo get boring because if you see one lion in a zoo, you’ve seen them all. Piccadilly Circus is just as boring if you look at the neon signs or buildings for the 100th time, but the people are always new, always interesting and if you look close enough they are always a treat. At the Walle it always fascinates me to see the people, even if I go a hundred times. I just can’t get over the idea of real people sitting in a window waiting for the next total stranger to fuck. And if the guy leaves, the prostitute opens the curtains and sits down in the window; ready for the next customer. I have been to the Walle many times and still it fascinates me; how can you sit there and sell yourself for every dick that passes you by? Even worse; how can you fuck somebody that has been fucked ten times by ten different guys on the same day? Do I find it erotic? Not at all; disgusted at times, disturbed maybe, emotional every time and every single time I ask myself how this poor girl or poor guy landed up there; it couldn’t have been a free choice.
I studied sexology because I absolutely love sex. I wanted to be informed about every single aspect of making love, I wanted to know how to experience the absolute best sex available and I wanted to be able to give it to the one I love. In short; I wanted to be the best and I wanted to teach others, not to be the best, but to be better. Back at the Walle you should realize that the prostitutes over there are the real sexperts. They know their stuff, because the better they are, the more customers will return for more. Make no mistake, a prostitute knows more than most sexologists. That is why I studied sexology in Amsterdam, I wanted to learn from the best at the university, but I also wanted to learn from the best on the streets. At the end I learned everything there was to learn and I can assure you; a sexologist is not a luxury.
Sex is the best tranquilizer, sedative, antidepressant, and tonic available. Research shows that people who have a regular fulfilling sex-life are more adaptable to new situations, can work under more pressure, are far more likely to be successful in their jobs and live longer than the average. Interestingly enough it also proved that married couples have more sex on average than the rest and that happily married couple lives longer than people who never got married and people who went through a divorce and did not marry again.
You see, that is why I made sure that I get the right person to share my life with. Long term relationships give you a better chance of perfecting your sex-life and the odds favor long-term relationships 3 to 1 for having a real fulfilling sex-life.
I have heard it all; people tell me that they do not want to feel the pain of a breakup ever again and therefore they are going to stay single. I have empathy for people who went through a painstaking separation; it really is one of the worst traumas out there, but what’s even worse is if you allow the asshole who hurt you to hold dominion over you for the rest of your life. Isn’t it bad enough that he/she ruined 2, 5 or even 10 of your best years? Are you going to allow the asshole to ruin the rest of your life as well? Yes, I know the argument that single is the safest, but I am afraid it only works while one night standers find you attractive. Sooner than you think you would be that sorry ass old man at the bar in a gay club, still interested in the game as a spectator, but not joining in the fun. Believe me and do yourself a favor; have a talk with some of those guys and girls next time you see them, they are not happy at all.
So what do you do to stay in a long-term relationship? The answer to this question is not the easiest to give and it will take more than an article to cover it, but that does not mean that there isn’t an answer to give. I will give you this much: people separate for two reasons in 90% of the cases: Sex and addiction. Alcohol and drugs are the second highest reason why people walk away; the highest is when the sex gets boring or none-existent. If you want to keep your lover, make sure that you are the best lover he or she will ever have, believe me that is still the best glue for any loving relationship. That is one of the main reasons why Cobrastone and Cobragay were founded; we wanted to do something about unnecessary separations. Many people make the mistake thinking that relationships are broken by a third person; that is not true, a third person steps into a relationship because you left the door wide open.
http://www.facebook.com/cobragay
-Andrew Blade’s Weekly Cobra-bite-
Taken from Andrew’s Column in
The Gayly Mail
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