Our life is a web woven with a lot of aspects. Many say that we have a life filled with freedom and choices. Is this really true, I mean what about the have to`s, had to`s and still to dos!
Starting at birth, we all have to fall into a system. You have your feeding times, napping times and because we cannot do anything for ourselves we become part of a system, a routine. Given credit that during infancy our choices are not as hard to make. We just fall into a routine predetermined by nature.
But as time goes by, we have more to do`s. You must bath when your caretaker tells you to, you should eat what you are served, you must go to bed at the times that is healthy for you. You make friends with people your caretaker expose you to. Thus you are bound by rules, boundaries that we can easily call, healthy and good.
During your years at school, the plot thickens drastically! You shall wear a school uniform, you have to keep quiet, your homework has to be done, you have to go to the loo during break time. You need to pass your grades. You conform to your friend`s expectations, otherwise you are not "in" and many see you as a freak! Adults see you as a " problem " child or naughty! It is the norm, to wear the clothes that is socially acceptable.
As we leave School we enter the era of freedom. Yeah right that is what you think. Now you will work to earn a living, you have to be a good worker to keep your job, It is healthy for a clean credit record. Society expects you to get married and have kids, and the person with whom you marry must fit into a certain norm, maybe not to others norms, but to those cemented into your own expectation, determined by your upbringing, sosio-economical and emotional fundamentals.
You see freedom is a myth. Ask any responsible person and they will tell you, there are ways to do things, and norms to uphold otherwise we would have chaos in our world. Black and white, boundaries, laws and responsibilities.
Well now I will have to turn over the Applecart on this!!!
According to Albert Ellis the father of Rational Emotive Therapy(RET) nothing in life is quite that simple. He calls it Musterbation! By that he explains that RET helps people to see beyond the boundaries, to broaden their horizons to get away from the Musts in life. The attempt of RET is to help clients to minimalize their dictatorial, dogmatic, absolutistic core philosophy is attempted in three therapeutic ways: cognitive, emotive and behaviouristic (Corsini;Wedding 1989:213)
Plainly stated. To help you to ask the questions in life in a broader spectrum, the way you think, feel and do things are subjected to a world of possibilities. Now many of you will say this can't be. All of a sudden we take everything to a state of Relativity. Nothing is certain, what will happen to the world? We will end up in chaos!!!
To my experience there are very few things in life that can be certain. One of the Certainties, is that we are born and that we are going to die. And life will be tough whilst living it. Does that sound pessimistic? Many will say that I am. But if you think this you are missing the point I am trying to make.
As Victor Frankel stated it. The Statue of liberty in the USA, should be mirrored by the Statue of Responsibility, only then, can we cover the whole existence of Living.
I am just inviting you to realise that we are all different beings. Next time you meet someone that doesn't think the same way you do, do not discredit this person. Get to know this persons Narrative or life story. You will be amazed how much more comprehension you will have for others. People will love you for who you are, and you will start loving yourself, and enjoying life.
Corneil Oberholzer
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