We have all come across fake profiles and most of us cannot stand it. Everything from fake pictures to complete fake profiles. We assume these can be anything from dirty old men and leaches to stalkers, cooks and paedophiles. Most of us cannot even grasp what these people gain out of it. They can after all not meet up with anyone without revealing their deceit because the pictures do not match. I have come across several of these in the past few years where someone had created a fake profile, appeared extremely charming and then in the end – for some unknown reason that person staged their own death, creating a wave of shock and sympathy and a pouring out of condolence, the creation of sites in memory of lost ones or that person. We have had such a case in South Africa where a prominent attorney and the police led an investigation and discovered that it had all been a fake. Recently we were exposed to another such out of Australia. For some reason someone that is not sure of themselves believe that people out there will never like them for themselves and go about creating a fantasy life. They even go so far as to steal identities. They do not even realise how charming they are until they realise that they have reached the limit of adds allowed by Facebook and spend hours every day chatting to people all over. It has even become so bad that once blocked for their popularity, they create new profiles on new emails so that they can continue getting their fix. Yet at some point, for whatever reason, they decide to end the lie. The tales vary profusely but inevitably they claim their own death. In many instances, like in South Africa there are tales of abuse or worse seeing that they need the sympathy. In such cases they do not realise that someone will seek justice and begin digging into the story and inevitably they are ousted.
Most of these people do not realise the trouble they can get into. By publishing anything on the net you are liable for whatever results it creates. You might as well have written it and published it in the local news paper or uttered it on international television. Lies are lies and in most countries any publication whatsoever needs to be backed up by proven facts. People have been sued and jailed for even minor lies or defamation of character so it can turn into a real shark frenzy. No one likes being taken for a fool and no one likes being lied to so who can blame them?
Yet I cannot help but wonder why people do this. What horrifying reasons lie behind this craving for attention or the realisation that things are getting out of hand and the need to stop it all. Unfortunately the liar has the tendency to want to cover up the lie with and even bigger lie to blanket all the others and it is in the lie to cover up that they are caught out and it then blows up in their face. Could they not have left well enough alone? Could they not just have deactivated their profiles without further lies? When will the lies stop?
However, I have recently encountered a new phenomenon that took me completely by surprise. One of these people actually apologised to me personally for his deceit. As you all know I utterly abhor deceit and lies. You all know that I am extremely harsh about this and that if there is one thing that hurls me ballistically into orbits of anger - it is lies, deceit and betrayal – all of which occurred in this instance. In my book, any lies, deceit and betrayal is intrinsically evil. Yet when someone goes out of their way and genuinely apologises, I am willing to forgive them and try and help them to fix what they did wrong. I have also come to realise that everyone has their reasons, no matter how misconceived, stupid or ignorant those reasons might be and that everyone deserves a chance to fix what they had messed up. After all I am human and have my own mistakes. If that person genuinely feels regret and wants to mend their ways – who am I to deny them that chance to change? It is only my hopes that this story will prevent others from taking the same steps and that this person would genuinely strive to correct the things from the past and become a productive part of society, perhaps teaching others not to make his mistakes. Lies, betrayal and deceit always hurts someone, it infests our society with a cancer that corrupts on all levels. The Karma involved is enormous and insidious. Even white lies with the excuse of not trying to hurt someone will come out and hurt them even more at a later date. It is like walking with a tooth ache. Rather go to the dentist and fix it immediately than walk with it and it becomes an abscess that can become fatal. I believe so strongly in this that I speak the truth as I see it at any given and all times – and if I am wrong I will apologise, admit I was wrong and correct my process of thought. Even when I have a perception of something or someone I would rather discuss it with them personally, giving them ample opportunity to explain or correct my perception before outing them. No one deserves to be massacred emotionally or socially without the chance to correct either the perception or their ways. If they refuse to do so, I say bring out the guillotine!!!!
One thing I have to give to this chap is that he was honourable enough to apologise – even after being caught out. He has suffered the shunning of the society he was lying to and felt the pain of utter rejection. Where others would have run and hidden, he had the guts to stand up and apologise. There is honour in doing that. Let us hope that he retains and builds on that honour by never making the same mistakes again. Honour has lost its weight in our society and it has suffered for it. I tip my hat to him for showing it and for the guts it took. I have decided to publish the letter he wrote me (obviously changing names and removed contact details as I do not want him to suffer any longer) and my response in the hope that it might help both him and others not to do the same and to assist the victims in forgiving so that they do not become bitter in their anger.
Here follows the letter he sent me:
February 17 at 5:39am <span></span>
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hi Benjamin
I owe you an apology!
I told you a porky on Facebook but it was only a small lie that got out of hand, but I only ever thought of it as being fantasyland. I created him and his lunchbox so I assumed it was alright to get rid of them. Maybe it was not the right way to do it, but it’s too late to reverse it now.
I don’t think you will read any of this so I don’t expect a reply either but if you do reply please be patient as I don’t have access to a computer and I can’t afford to go out and buy one. I need to find a place to live before I think about computers or stuff like that.
Who is Henry (I have changed the name)– is good starting point – he is a gay guy in a relationship here in Australia and works as a SSIT – satellite security installation technician, who does he work for – buggered if I know.
No he is not on Facebook, but he did find out that I was sort of impersonating him ( not sort of) . The photos that I used were his, and yes I used to be a friend of his until a couple of weeks ago, but that friendship is gone. I can now count all my friends on one hand and sum of them don’t know why they are still friends with me after the way I used Henry – he got lots of friends and they all respect him despite him being gay and all that shit.
I owe him big time and all I could do was kick him in the guts and use his name.
Me – well you sort of know who I am and where I am from – I am Joe, aged 16 years and 9 months and I be a street-kid from Cairns in north Queensland. I met Henry when he was on holidays 3 years ago and he brought me down to Whyalla for a new start in life – my family don’t care for me and I had no friends in Cairns anyway, so it was no great loss to move, I lived on the streets up there and Henry made friends with me.
– is he a good guy, yep
– is he good looking, yep
– is he kind and generous, yep
– is he good in bed, yep
– will he ever be mine, nope
– will we ever be friends again, probably not – I fucked that up good and proper!
I made some REALLY good friends on Facebook, but under Henry’s name but then the REAL Henry found out and I had to get rid of both of us – so in the process I lost everything I had gained on Facebook. I REALLY DO LIKE YOU too, and after this APOLOGY I know you won’t want to be friends again, but never-the-less I owe you THIS apology for deceiving you for so long – if you had known the truth in the beginning you probably would not have talked to me ever.
I needed friends desperately back then and it was only a little lie at the time, but in the process it became a big lie and then I had to get rid of him and his lunchbox and everything went arse-up real quick.
I had to do it coz the real Henry threatened to punch me lights out if I didn’t. And he would be so pissed if he realized that I have reactivated both profiles again, BUT it’s only temporary this time. I need to get the email addresses of all the people that I have hurt along the way and of those that I WANT to desperately apologize to and then I will delete both profiles permanently. I don’t need the constant reminder of how wicked I have been to ALL those people I LOVED so dearly but lost in the end anyway!!!
I have only one really good friend left that has stood by me through all this and even though I have hurt him too coz it was his computer that I used. I know he don’t trust me anymore – it’s a bastard of a way to go when you really think about it. And it’s no wonder that everybody don’t want to know me anymore!
Am I gay – buggered if I know. I like what gay people do to one another but I still like girls too – although I haven’t been to bed with one yet. Girls won’t pay like fat old married men do so I will probably never find out and when you trying to live off the streets, male sex pays big dollars most times.
In the beginning I thought I would apologize to everybody just to stop being nagged by the only real friend I have left. But that was before I realized just how much I REALLY missed not being on Facebook and all the friends I had to ditch along the way, including you.
In the last fortnight my life has been a hollow shell and I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I spent a lot of time sitting on top of one of the hills around here just watching life pass me by and many the day that I slept rough coz I got wet from the rain and I had an aching empty belly, all because I had done the dirty on everybody I EVER cared about.
It brought back the memories of living on the streets of cairns as a street-kid again and how bad things really were up there, and how Henry actually took all that pain and guilt and worry and suffering and me having to fight to survive, he took it all away for me!!!
Henry brought me down to South Australia and gave me the opportunity to have a new life, to make new friends, to have a home to go to and food on the table and never having to worry where the next meal was coming from. All he ever asked of me in return was that I didn’t tell him any lies.
But I was angry at my past, for who I was and what I was and what I wanted/needed SO DESPERATELY to have what Henry had - to be happy and someone to love me for who I am. I didn’t tell him any lies I just kicked him in the guts and used his name instead.
But since ditching the Facebook profiles I had nothing to do but mope around and after sitting on top of Mt Laura for nearly 3 days I realized that WHAT I WANTED was to be friends with all the people I had hurt along the way! And the only way that was going to happen was for me to apologize to them from the bottom of my heart and let them know that I too shed lots of tears when I killed off BOTH Henry and myself together and that I ripped a big chunk of my heart out and threw it together with my life, into the abyss.
And it’s with this realization that I knew what was wrong with me this last fortnight, I missed not being on Facebook and all the friends I had made along the way. Then I knew that the apology HAD to come from me and it HAD TO BE MINE even though it was SUMBODY else that planted the seed!
– As I said before, this is just an apology, coz I at least owed you that if nothing else!!!
SORRY I DIDNT TELL YOU THE TRUTH
from Joe
as this re-activation is only temporary, if you still want to remain friends,
my email address is > ………….
but its only going to be good till the end of march this year when I will delete that address as well. If you decide you want to remain friends with me I will give you my new email addresses from there - ...Joe
And my response Follows:
Joe,
I hoped you learned that covering a lie with another lie just made it worse. The smallness of the ‘porky’, as you call it is greater than you realise. It broke the innate trust that people grated you. It would have been better if you had just let it be. Lies always blow up in your face; they tend to reveal themselves no matter what one does to hide them. Lying to cover up another lie perpetuates the cycle and it snowballs, growing bigger as it rolls. Rather be yourself. In order for you to have created that person you had to show some of yourself in it. Everyone loved that personality and it has nothing to do with the money or anything, just the ability to converse and make people laugh. Perhaps it is time for you to realise that being yourself is much less stressful and will gain you far more friends than you have realised. Yes you fucked up and it is understandable that everyone is upset. Would you not be if you had been lied to? Next time just be yourself, stop living in a fantasy world and rather create that life in your own by being the honest, fun loving fellow that you created and so many people experienced. Yes, this lie will follow you and next time you will have to work harder to get people to believe you, but in the end they will see honesty, the regret and that you are truly sorry and then enough will forgive you.
You might think that the character that you created is better, sexier or smarter than you, but I cannot see that anyone would pay for a bad looking chap or have enjoyed hours of conversation with you if some part of you were not in that character. Be yourself, use your own picture and be honest. You will find that you can attract your own group of friends. This dishonesty is one of the greatest concerns about meeting up with people on the internet and by doing what you have, you have perpetuated it. Fix it by learning from your mistakes and the fact that you have hurt so many people. This is not the first time this has happened and probably not the last. I just wish that people would realise that everything that you send out on the web can be traced and that there is no way anyone can hide from the truth once someone really wants to dig. Anything that you post is a publication and you can be held liable for it in a court of law. Trust me, it can all be traced legally. There is no way that anyone can separate themselves from any factious character that they create as they use details that they know.
My second concern is your addiction to Facebook. If you can be that charming on Facebook you might as well be charming in real life. Get out there and make new friends in the physical world. One does not need loads of money, helicopters, fancy cars or boats to make friends. I realise that in the world you have been living in deception is probably a given as there is probably a lot of role playing involved, but you can change that in your own life. Learn to be scrupulously honest and even if people make misuse of that – never become the one that inflicts it ever again. You know what the results are. It makes you no better than the others that inflicts such heartache and pain. There is nothing wrong with chatting on Facebook – unless it withdraws you from the real world. Rather use that time and effort to create a life for yourself.
I am part of a group of councillors that help young people on a Help site and I think your story can help a lot of others that think so little of themselves that they even consider doing this. Of course - if I use your story I shall not reveal anything that can tie you to it, but would like your permission to use it as an example after changing the names. I am going to email this letter along with the altered version of your original message to you and want you to change any details that you think are still too close to the places and names and then you can send if back for publication. As I do not know all the places and mountains in the area, please change names as you see fit.
Look at your talents and abilities, even the ability to steal someone’s identity. You are smart. Now use that for good instead and swear off the lies. By being yourself you will not have to waste energy on keeping up pretences and remember what you said to whom. Instead you can use that energy to build a new life and real friends in the real world. Please note that I am repeating the last so that it can sink in. We all make mistakes. What are you going to do to fix it and make up for it in your life and future?
Kind Regards,
Benjamin Breden
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