“We struggled against apartheid because we were being blamed and made to suffer for something we could do nothing about. It is the same with homosexuality. The orientation is a given, not a matter of choice. It would be crazy for someone to choose to be gay, given the homophobia that is present.”
Desmond Tutu
I underestimated Desmond Tutu for a large part of my life, most white South Africans did.
A while ago my partner and I discussed racism amongst queers. I must be stupid because I really do not get it at all. How can a group of people that experience the effect of discrimination every day be part of another form of discrimination? I do realize that white South Africans have more than enough bad experiences that they could associate with black South Africans. I know that black South Africans have a history of bad experiences that they can directly relate to white South Africans, but isn’t it ridiculous to label everything black and white if you yourself are pink?
We have a few kids in foster care here on Rushoek, most of them are HIV-related orphans and all of them have nowhere else to go. A while ago my partner asked one of the boys, age 14, what his friends think about the idea that he lives with two gay guys. He also asked him if he didn’t feel uneasy living with us while a lot of people think that gay guys are child molesters. Without thinking for a second the boy replied:”That is stereotypical bullshit”.
I couldn’t believe what I heard so I asked him to explain to me what he is trying to say. I didn’t even know that he knew what the word “stereotypical” meant. There we were listening to this little black kid and he understood the difference between the stories people tell about queers and the real queers that he knew. He knew that some of those stories might be true, but that it would be dim-witted to think that those stories apply to all gay guys. The reason why he knew that was because he lived with two gay guys and he knew the stories dit not apply to them. The fact that most molesters are straight is immaterial; he opened his eyes and his heart and he saw two gay guys who did not fit the stereotype. Someone once said that gay people should come out of the closet because confronting people with a real gay person is the best way to fight homophobia. If you open your eyes and your heart and you make time to meet and understand somebody from a different group; you will realize that you are not so different after all.
That is what I do not understand about racism. I am a white South African and I get angry, frustrated and totally aggressive about things that certain black South Africans say, do and live by, but I have never had the slightest desire to generalize that anger, frustration or aggression towards the whole black community. I hate the things that some straight people say and do, but I have never had the inclination to think that all straight people are the same. I am outraged by the statements that some religious people make, but I have never even considered holding that against all religious people.
The fact is that I am a religious, gay, white South African and there are more than a few religious, gay and white South Africans that irritates the hell out of me; yet I have never felt the need to become nonreligious, straight, black or for instance, American.
If you are gay and you know how stupid the stereotypical gay portrayal can be; how is it possible that you can condone a stereotypical illustration of black or white people? How is it comprehensible that you can take part in any kind of discrimination if you know how it hurts to be discriminated against? I hate all forms of bigotry, stereotyping, discrimination, prejudice, narrow-mindedness, intolerance, unfairness, injustice and inequality because those were the things that hurt me the most in my life.
That brings me back to the archbishop Desmond Tutu. Nobody fought more for gay-rights in South Africa than he did; and he is black, straight, socialist, and a clergyman. So next time, before you say anything negative about other peoples color, sexual orientation, politics or religion, ask yourself these two questions:
Isn’t that exactly the stereotypical bullshit that hurt me the most in my life?
Isn’t that exactly the kind of bullshit that makes living in peace, impossible?
This Week's Cobrabite
by. Brand Doubell
Dr. FB Doubell
Cobrabites
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