Variety is the spice of life and a change is as good as a holiday; two cliché’s and yet it seems as if nobody takes it too serious. What does a gay guy look like and what is the difference between a gay guy and a guy guy? What is a top, what is a bottom and what is versatile or who is the man and who is the woman in a gay relationship? These are related to basic philosophical questions since the beginning of time. Some philosophers thought that it was good and mature to stay the same and others thought it would be better to grow and adapt.
Whether we are talking about sex, politics or work some of us enjoy the beaten track and others prefer to start a new road every day. Those who enjoy the beaten track are criticized for their lack of creativity and those who change to often are penalized for not gathering any moss. If you are interested in a lot of things you are a jack of all trades and a master of none. If you specialize in one tiny detail you are a learned baboon. So which is the best way if you talk about sex? Is it to know few moves better than anybody else or is it trying all possible positions, techniques and tips?
Being a sextherapist I am constantly asked which book is the best sex-guide available. If we are talking about straight sex I have many that come to mind, but if it is about gay sex I am always hesitant to answer. It is not as if there aren’t many books on the market, on the contrary I think there might be too many, but I am always disappointed with what they contain. It is as if the gay sex-books are trying their utmost to go for variety and not for quality. It is true that if you have enough time you can design a thousand positions for fellatio, a thousand for anal sex and a thousand for rimming, but in most cases you will have to be an Olympic athlete to try it out. I do believe that variety is the spice of life but struggling to succeed in fellatio while bungee jumping is a sure way to fuck up both experiences.
In my opinion it all depends on your personality, your body, your age and your taste for adventure. Sticking to the gay missionary position is not the worst idea you can have. It is still seen as the most enjoyable position of them all. In this position one partner lays on his back and pulls his knees up and outward while the other lays on top of him steadying himself on his arms and knees. The fact that they can kiss, look each other in the eyes and touch each other all over makes it a popular position. You might find it too plain for your taste but it is far more rewarding than having your man while both of you are hanging from a tree.
On the other hand it can be quite boring in a long term relationship if this is the only position you will ever try. There are a wide variety of rear entry methods that are not that difficult to implement and that can be just as enjoyable. Still, I am always disappointed that sex guides do not spend more pages on every little detail of the easier positions and fewer pages on the impossible possibilities. I would rather have a smaller variety of well explained positions than a larger variety without explanation. I am always amused by the fact that my oldest and fattest colleagues are including a wider variety of monkeynastics in their sex-guides than the rest of us. It is as if they aim to write more about their fantasies and less about that which work for them.
In my mind it is better to stick to the six or seven possible positions and learn to do them well. The gay missionary position above will be the first that I suggest for anal sex. Rear entry, whether your partner is standing on all fours or laying down is the second doable position. The positive aspect of this benefit that the top can see himself penetrating and it is a very relaxed position for older men or those who are not that streamline anymore. The negative side is that the anus isn’t stretched by the bottom’s position so the top has to play with the bottoms anus to help him relax a bit. In my opinion the sitting positions should be third in line. It is here where the terms top and bottom does not add up anymore because in the sitting positions the top is at the bottom and the bottom sits on top of him. Whether the bottom (which is on top) is facing the top’s face, legs or sitting sideways is a question of taste. I think it is worth your while to try all three possibilities from time to time. Fourth in the row are the ever popular standing positions. Here there are room for both the active and the passive kind of lover. The top can bend a little forward for those who are not that sportive or the top can hold the bottom in the air if he has the power to do so. Lastly the side by side positions is worth a try for everybody. Whether it is the relaxed spooning position or a little gymnastics with one leg in the air it is doable for anybody that’s interested to try it.
So it is the missionary, rear entry, sitting, standing and spooning that I will prefer to see explained in more detail. Many of the more complicated positions are but a variety of these five possibilities and I do not think you need to try the thousands of varieties to spice up your sexlife.
That brings us back to our question whether it is the best to stick to the beaten track or to make your own sexual path as you move along. In my opinion a balance between the two would serve most of us the best. There are more than enough doable positions to spice up you sex-live without breaking a leg, straining a muscle or dislocating a jawbone.
Cobrabites
Dr Brand Doubell
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