We are your children remember it
If
you look through the list of books covering homosexuality and its
so-called threat to families there are two opposing views. Eventually
you will have to make a choice between these two views and you will have
to decide which of them is threatening the survival of your family.
The two opposing views are best represented by two similar sounding book-titles. The first is "Straight Parents, Gay Children - keeping families together" and the second book is called "Gay Children, Straight Parents - A Plan for Family Healing".
The first choice is accepting your child's sexuality and keeping him/her in your family. The second choice is to heal your child of homosexuality and therefor healing the family of the disease.
You have to ask yourself which of these will really protect your family.As a devout Christian I understand the concept of healing diseases and being saved from sinfulness, and as a gay Christian I understand the concept of accepting reality and working towards a peaceful solution. If I look at life through these two perspectives I always remember the prayer of the American Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr:
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed
The courage to change what can be changed,
And the wisdom to know the one from the other
I think the choice between these two ways of protecting the family lies in the understanding of the third line of Niebuhr's prayer - The wisdom to know the difference. If homosexuality is a disease that can be treated then I guess that should be your goal, but if it isn't your goal would be the serenity to accept the fact that your child is gay.
The question is therefor whether being gay can be healed - if it is actually a disease/abnormality/disorder.
Many psychologists, theologians, and philosophers have meditated on this and I am afraid not all of them come to the same conclusion. You just have to scan the numerous articles on the internet to see how these opposing views alternate between the different authors. I find myself in a rather unique position on this issue, because I am both educated in Theology and Psychology, and I am both religious and gay. I'm not the only one in this unique position, but we aren't many. Seen from my perspective I may be able to give you four facts:
Clearly psychologists, theologians and gay people agree on one thing - Being gay is not a choice and only half of the theologians believe you should not live out the life you were born with.
That brings us back to your choice as a parent. How are you going to protect your family? Are you going to ask your child to change his sexuality or are you going to help him to accept the way he/she was born? Are you going to protect your family by asking one member to change that which is impossible to change or are you going to keep your family together by accepting your gay child?
The wisdom to know the difference between changing what you can, and accepting what you can't. That is what you have to use in choosing how you are going to protect your family. In my mind it isn't a difficult choice to make.
The two opposing views are best represented by two similar sounding book-titles. The first is "Straight Parents, Gay Children - keeping families together" and the second book is called "Gay Children, Straight Parents - A Plan for Family Healing".
The first choice is accepting your child's sexuality and keeping him/her in your family. The second choice is to heal your child of homosexuality and therefor healing the family of the disease.
You have to ask yourself which of these will really protect your family.As a devout Christian I understand the concept of healing diseases and being saved from sinfulness, and as a gay Christian I understand the concept of accepting reality and working towards a peaceful solution. If I look at life through these two perspectives I always remember the prayer of the American Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr:
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed
The courage to change what can be changed,
And the wisdom to know the one from the other
I think the choice between these two ways of protecting the family lies in the understanding of the third line of Niebuhr's prayer - The wisdom to know the difference. If homosexuality is a disease that can be treated then I guess that should be your goal, but if it isn't your goal would be the serenity to accept the fact that your child is gay.
The question is therefor whether being gay can be healed - if it is actually a disease/abnormality/disorder.
Many psychologists, theologians, and philosophers have meditated on this and I am afraid not all of them come to the same conclusion. You just have to scan the numerous articles on the internet to see how these opposing views alternate between the different authors. I find myself in a rather unique position on this issue, because I am both educated in Theology and Psychology, and I am both religious and gay. I'm not the only one in this unique position, but we aren't many. Seen from my perspective I may be able to give you four facts:
- The most authoritative and largest organization in Psychology is the American Psychological Association. The APA already stated that homosexuality is not a disorder in 1975. All the main research that has been done since then came to exactly the same conclusion. In 2009 the APA stated that therapists should not tell their clients that homosexuality can be treated. This statement followed after an extensive examination rejected the viability of sexual orientation change efforts.
- Most mainstream religions and belief-systems are in a transitional stage of opinion about homosexuality. That means there are just as many religious leaders who see homosexuality as sinful or as acceptable. In short, most religions are struggling to come to a decision. As for Christianity, there are two strong points of view - each with their own interpretation of Scripture.
- 99% of all gay people will tell you that they did not choose to be gay - they were born gay. It should be common sense that no person will choose a life of being rejected by society if he/she could have it any other way.
- Most Theologians that has a problem with gay people agree that homosexuality is not the problem. They accept the fact that you are homosexual because you were born that way or raised that way. For them the problem lies in acting upon it. In other words they believe that it is okay to be gay as long as you refrain from gay sex.
Clearly psychologists, theologians and gay people agree on one thing - Being gay is not a choice and only half of the theologians believe you should not live out the life you were born with.
That brings us back to your choice as a parent. How are you going to protect your family? Are you going to ask your child to change his sexuality or are you going to help him to accept the way he/she was born? Are you going to protect your family by asking one member to change that which is impossible to change or are you going to keep your family together by accepting your gay child?
The wisdom to know the difference between changing what you can, and accepting what you can't. That is what you have to use in choosing how you are going to protect your family. In my mind it isn't a difficult choice to make.
http://www.amazon.com/Just-Another-Gayboy-Brand-Doubell-ebook/dp/B00K0T9KB6
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