As
parents we all struggle to understand our children's perspective on
life. One of the best ways to see life through their eyes is to think
back to our own childhood. If I think about this truth I always remember
the old song of Orson Wells "I Know what it is to be young, but you
don't know what it is to be old." As parents we have a perspective on
life that children do not always get. It also reminds me of the joke
"When you are 6 you think your parents know everything, if you are 16
you think they know nothing, and if you are 26 you realise that it was
you who didn't know anything." That is life isn't it? With age comes
wisdom, and yet you do not want to hear it when you are young. We are a
bit older, we have more experience, and we know how cruel life can be.
We are always trying to warn our children of the dangers that lurk
beyond the next bend in the road, but they just don't listen. Think back
to your childhood, you didn't listen either. The fact is, unfortunately
we have to experience our own mistakes, nobody can save us from them,
and warnings will not help you to miss all the pitfalls in life. The
first thing I would like you to remember is this:
In the third place I want you to understand that your life as a straight person isn't the same as your child's life as a gay person. There are aspects of a gay person's life that a straight person will never fully understand. In those aspects your child is the teacher and you are the pupil. Don't presume that you understand what your child is going through, because you don't.
Fourthly the above does not mean that there isn't anything you can teach your child. Being straight and being gay isn't the same, but a lot of aspects are the same. You might not know what it feels like to be rejected as a gay person, but that does not mean that you do not know rejection. Your child might tell you that you do not understand and to a certain extent they are right, but not totally. You can still help them with a lot of the things they will experience.
Lastly I think that non-judgemental communication can help both of you (parent and child) to bridge the gap between you. Raising a child helped you to understand the things your parents did when you were young. Sometimes I think if they explained their reasons we might have understood it earlier. We are a new generation of parents. We explain more to our kids than our parents did. Unfortunately we seldom see a difference in the generation gap. Somehow our children still don't understand all our reasons even if we try to explain them. It is difficult for parents and kids to understand each other because we come from different parts of history; sometimes it feels as if we come from different planets altogether. If you want to screw up this already difficult relationship you should be judgemental about their lives, their sexuality, and their choices. Try to understand, rather than to judge. If you give them the chance to explain the difficulties they experience in their lives you will understand their situation much better. Understanding your gay child, even if you do not understand them totally, is 90% of keeping your relationship in tact.
- Yes you are older and wiser
- Unfortunately children do not listen to good advise
- Remember, you didn't listen either
In the third place I want you to understand that your life as a straight person isn't the same as your child's life as a gay person. There are aspects of a gay person's life that a straight person will never fully understand. In those aspects your child is the teacher and you are the pupil. Don't presume that you understand what your child is going through, because you don't.
Fourthly the above does not mean that there isn't anything you can teach your child. Being straight and being gay isn't the same, but a lot of aspects are the same. You might not know what it feels like to be rejected as a gay person, but that does not mean that you do not know rejection. Your child might tell you that you do not understand and to a certain extent they are right, but not totally. You can still help them with a lot of the things they will experience.
Lastly I think that non-judgemental communication can help both of you (parent and child) to bridge the gap between you. Raising a child helped you to understand the things your parents did when you were young. Sometimes I think if they explained their reasons we might have understood it earlier. We are a new generation of parents. We explain more to our kids than our parents did. Unfortunately we seldom see a difference in the generation gap. Somehow our children still don't understand all our reasons even if we try to explain them. It is difficult for parents and kids to understand each other because we come from different parts of history; sometimes it feels as if we come from different planets altogether. If you want to screw up this already difficult relationship you should be judgemental about their lives, their sexuality, and their choices. Try to understand, rather than to judge. If you give them the chance to explain the difficulties they experience in their lives you will understand their situation much better. Understanding your gay child, even if you do not understand them totally, is 90% of keeping your relationship in tact.
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